I was driving around today, mostly to and from work, and I made an interesting observation. Mainly, I noticed my own thoughts about other drivers. I live in Massachusetts, right along the bottom part that boarders along Connecticut. People in CT and in MA drive very, very differently. Different kinds of bad. The part of Mass that boarders along CT that I live in is Southbridge and Webster-Dudley. The people there tend to drive faster than they need to and often times, rather recklessly, regardless of the age of the driver. In Connecticut, you run into two kinds of assholes. Right below the boarder is Woodstock, and Woodstock is one of those places that you live in if you’re a rich bastard a doctor or going to retire, or otherwise have a well-paying job and love the countryside (no, really… I mean country. Woodstock is a dry town – as in, no alcohol – and if I’m in Woodstock, I need to either go to Eastford or to Putnam to get gas. Come on). The most frequent one is the driver that must go at least 5 miles below the speed limit. And they won’t speed up, no matter what. I know what people are thinking… old people, right? Wrong! I see teenagers doing that. While the roads are small and curvy and it is dangerous to go too fast… there’s no need to be rolling at 10 mph. I mean, I know gas isn’t exactly close, but come on, you can do better than that.
One type of driver that I run into no matter where I go always tends to be what I call El Douchbago. El Douchago is almost always male, anywhere from 18 to mid 40’s, and they have big, lifted pick-up trucks. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had one of these fuckers get behind me, blind me with their headlights and ride my ass. I’m no slow-poke. I’ll speed up for them (as long as it’s safe) and I’m usually going a decent amount above the speed limit. Most of Woodstock is around the 35 mph range and I’ll go up to 60 mph if the road isn’t too curvy. Still, these fuckers will ride my ass, flash their high-beams, and honk obnoxiously before passing me (often illegally) and going off at a much, much higher speed.
I will eat your soul. And the soul of your puny little Toyota.
Besides often wondering if I’ll be witnessing a wreck shortly, I wonder why people do that. I don’t understand the need of El Douchbago. Are your balls too big for your truck? Are your truck’s balls bigger than yours? It does seem like you’re trying to get them run over, run down, and otherwise destroyed.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that other drivers are always assholes. Always. It doesn’t matter if it’s your friend, your neighbor, that weird guy from across the street, or somebody’s sweet little Grammie that is going to the store so she has the ingredients to bake Little Jimmy his fucking cookies. They’re all fucking assholes. Or Stupid Bitch. That one is popular, too. I’ve taken mental notes when it comes down to what I would have to say to other drivers if I could somehow communicate telepathically.
“I see you there, fuckface. Don’t you dare turn.”
“The light is green. Green, asshole! GREEN MEANS GO.”
“Holy fuck, you asshole, you just ran a red light.”
“Stupid Bitch, on her cell phone. She won’t live long.”
“Christ, that was a stop sign. A stop sign! Not a slow-down-slightly-before-slamming-on-the-pedal-and-hope-you-don’t-die sign.”
“Asshole, it kind of helps if you turn on your blinker when you make a sudden turn.”
"What do you mean I can't drive?"
source:http://www.betterparenting.com/
I swear, it’s like none of these people ever read their driver’s manual. Aren’t you supposed to read one of those before they give you the little plastic card with your adorable mug on it that tells the police man it’s okay for you to drive? I thought you did. Hell, I might even remember some parts of it. That’s not even an excuse, though. I understand that each state has it’s own particulars, such as allowing a right turn at a red light, but there are plenty of things that are common sense and people don’t seem to understand that. It’s generally a bad idea to suddenly brake in front of someone to make a turn without using your blinkers. See, friends, when you turn your blinker on, it tells me that you intend to make a turn in that direction, and common sense tells me that you’ll likely slow down, so I’ll be expecting the drop in speed and won’t ram your ass like a bull with a hard-on. It is also equally wise to actually look both ways before you cross an intersection that doesn’t have a stop-light. Remember your mum telling you to look both ways or you’d end up flattened like the road kill just up the road? Being in a car doesn’t magically make you invulnerable to other cars. Being on a magic carpet, however, might, though that requires three extra months of driver’s ed, and getting your carpet registered is really hard and kind of expensive.
Plus, I think it hurts your tax return, too.
I’m sure people have lots of interesting things to call the “other driver”. Some of them might even be words that your mum wouldn’t scrub your mouth out with soap for.
rosielwriteslegibly 